Good questions

Each exchange, members are placed in a ring. You send a gift to one eldest daughter in the ring, and a different eldest daughter sends a gift to you. Because everyone gives to the next person along, every member receives a gift.

Dear Eldest Daughter is just for eldest daughters. If you're the eldest daughter in your family, this was made for you.

Sign-ups for the Dear Eldest Daughter Secret Santa are open now until 14 November 2026. Matches are emailed on 18 November. Post by 5 December if your gift is going overseas, or by 12 December if it's staying in the same country.

There are four tiers: It's the thought that counts, A little something, You deserve it, and Because I can, and you're worth it. You choose one when you sign up, and you give within it. The spend guides are: It's the thought that counts, little to no spend; A little something, US$15–35; You deserve it, US$35–65; Because I can, and you're worth it, US$65+. Roughly the same in your own currency is perfect.

Close to home pairs you with a member in or near your own country. Around the world pairs you with a member in another country. You choose when you join, and you can tell us if you're happy either way.

Sending overseas usually costs more and takes longer, and some countries have rules about what can be posted. If you choose around the world, it's worth checking your local post office's guidance before you send. Postage is on top of your tier's spend, so it doesn't eat into the gift.

An Angel Gift steps in. The Angel Gift fund exists so that no member is left without a gift, even if a parcel goes missing.

Only the eldest daughter who is shopping for you. It's emailed to her with your name and bio on 18 November, and it's never shown on the website.

No, the Secret Santa is free to join. If you'd like to, you can chip in any amount. Chip-ins cover the cost of running the exchange and go into the Angel Gift fund. Everyone gets the same exchange either way.

After you sign up, we'll send you a link where you can chip in towards running costs and the Angel Gift fund. Any amount is welcome, and it's completely up to you.

Angel Gifts come from the shared fund. They replace gifts that go missing, send a little kindness to members going through a hard time, and reach eldest daughters outside the exchange who have been nominated by someone who loves them.

Use the nomination form on the Angel Gifts page. Tell us her first name, how we can reach her, and a few words about why she deserves to be looked after.

No, and it's a great question to ask. "Gifting circles" (you might also see them called gifting clubs, blessing looms or mandalas) are pyramid schemes in disguise. People pay money in and are promised a bigger payout later, which only arrives if new people are recruited below them. That's why they're illegal in the UK and many other countries.

Dear Eldest Daughter works the other way round. You give one gift and you receive one gift. Nobody earns anything from recruiting, nobody moves up a level, and no one is promised more than they put in. Members never send money to each other, only presents.

Chip-ins are optional and go to Dear Eldest Daughter, never to other members. They pay for running the exchange, like the website, payments and matching, and top up the Angel Gift fund. Joining is free, and everyone gets the same exchange whether they chip in or not.

Never. You're welcome to tell the eldest daughters you love about us, but what you receive doesn't depend on who joins after you, and there's no reward for bringing people in.

Be wary of anything that asks you to pay cash to other members, promises you'll get back more than you paid, or asks you to recruit before you receive. Joining Dear Eldest Daughter is free. If someone claims to be from us and asks for money anywhere other than this website or the chip-in link we email you, it isn't us. Please let us know.